Mistakes Will Be Made and That's Okay

This is something that I have to continually remind myself of. (My failure to remember this fact is part of the reason that it’s taken me so long to write another post.) I know that mistakes are a part of life, but the fact that the word has a negative connotation attached to it makes me, like most people, want to avoid them. Looking at the definition of the word it’s not hard to see why that is.

          Mistake - a fault in understanding, perception, interpretation. An idea, answer, or act that is           wrong; an error.

No one likes to openly admit their faults or wrongdoings because they’re seen as flaws and flaws are considered bad. But just because something is generally seen as bad or undesirable, doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to view it that way. Overtime I’ve come to see that what one person might consider a mistake another might not and depending on the context of one’s actions there may not be anything wrong with that; especially if a given decision does not have a direct impact on anyone other than yourself. For instance, some individuals may view taking a personal risk as a mistake, while others would argue that it would be a mistake not to take chances in life. There’s no way of proving that either of these approaches is always right or wrong.

Additionally, I’ve learned to recognize that there’s a difference between conscious and unintentional mistakes. Conscious mistakes, in my mind, are those instances where you are well aware of the negative consequences that will undoubtedly follow a given decision, yet you choose to go through with it in spite of this fact. While these types of mistakes are preventable, I’d argue that making such errors isn’t entirely detrimental because they have the potential to teach you valuable lessons. On the other hand, sometimes it’s not clear that an action is a mistake until after you’ve gone through with it. These unintentional mistakes are unavoidable and allowing yourself to debate every decision in life with the worry that you might make the wrong choice or regret your decision afterwards makes for a pretty unhappy existence.

I was recently flipping through an old InStyle magazine at work and came across the following quote by Cameron Diaz:

         "Fear and failure and all the things that come with pain are actually the best things for you, if           you go toward them with the purpose of getting stronger.”

I don’t usually take life advice from such “literature,” but this quotation really stuck with me. I think it serves as a good reminder that a mistake is only truly a mistake if you don’t allow yourself to learn from it. With this in mind, I am trying to appreciate the fact that I will inevitably make mistakes in the future, because I know that doing so will enable me to experience continuous personal growth for the rest of my life.

Dealing with Uncertainty

As someone who constantly strives for perfection, I do my best to avoid uncertain situations and plan things as much as I can ahead of time. However, the reality is that this isn't always feasible. I've become extremely aware of this fact recently. At this point in time I don't know where I'll be living come September. I'll be moving back into my parents house after my current lease ends in 2 1/2 weeks, but since they are in the process of trying to sell the house I don't expect to be able to live there beyond August. While these circumstances are causing me some worry, I'm learning that dealing with uncertainty can be kind of exciting and doesn't have to be a reason for major stress. 

I'm at a point in my life where I have the option of moving somewhere new and although I know that doing so would increase the level of uncertainty I'd have to deal with, I think I'm ready for a change. I've lived in the same state for the vast majority of my life and while I think it's a pretty great place, I don't think I should restrict myself to living there forever. Most of the rest of my family is in the process of moving elsewhere/plans to do so in the not too distant future, so I don't really have a strong reason to stick around other than it's what I'm familiar with. As I've given this matter more thought, I've come to see that even if I were to remain where I am, I couldn't avoid having to face some level of uncertainty.

Since I'm beginning to accept that uncertainty is unavoidable, I'm also starting to be less worried about things. I'm doing my best to heed the advice of Matthew 6:34 - "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." I'm not saying that taking things day by day isn't a challenge, especially when I see others figuring out the details of their future and things haven't fallen into place for me yet. But comparing myself to others isn't going to do anything to change my circumstances and putting excessive thought into what may or may not happen in the future isn't necessarily going to bear fruitful results.

So as I'm currently facing significant uncertainty, I'm trying to stay positive and trust that what's meant to happen will work out in due time. I get the feeling that some of the people that I've spoken to about my circumstances are questioning my approach, but I've realized that I don't need their approval to make my own decisions. My attitude and actions regarding the uncertainty that I'm dealing with may be imperfect, but that's okay.

An Imperfect Start

I can't decide how I want to start this. I've gone through multiple iterations of the same thought but haven't been completely satisfied with any of them. This is rather frustrating because I want what I say to be perfect. Therein lies the problem of the approach that I've taken to life. I have been pursuing the unattainable. Perfection does not exist yet I continually chase after it. I've recently come to see just how much this mindset has impacted my life, and usually not in a positive fashion. This realization is hard to accept, but I'm hoping my admission of this fact will allow me to change for the better.

I'm not exactly sure when I became so worried about making mistakes. In grade school I constantly volunteered to answer questions in class and didn't mind having the attention of others directed at me. But that changed when I got older. By the time I reached eighth grade or so I was hesitant to speak up in class, even when I was confident that I had the correct response to a teacher's inquiry. I feared being wrong and therefore decided that in order to avoid judgment it would be best to remain silent. What I failed to realize until very recently was that people were probably judging me more for staying quiet than they would have if I had spoken up but given a wrong answer.

My fear of judgment has also contributed to my extreme indecisiveness. I really struggle to make decisions, no matter what they pertain to, and I typically hesitate to ask others for help. It was only in the recent past that I was convinced that these characteristics could use improvement. Additionally, I’m a nice person. This doesn’t sound like a bad thing, however, the problem is that I’m too nice. I don’t stand up for myself in instances when I should because I’m more worried about hurting someone else’s feelings than I am about letting my own feelings be hurt. Overtime, this outlook has been to my detriment.

The good news is that I've FINALLY decided that I’ve let my lack of self-confidence get the better of me for long enough. I don’t want to go on living my life in the manner that I have in the past. While I’m disappointed that I let myself maintain the mindset that I have for so long, I’m choosing to view it as a learning experience. Yes I’ve failed in a lot of ways, but it is through my failures that I can work to become a better person. It is for this reason that I hope I continue to fail, at least to an extent, because I want to continue to learn and grow. And I think that writing about what I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn, will help to ingrain those lessons in my mind. So here I go… Learning to Be Imperfect.